Dow, Dow, Dow

I find the post-Lehman fascination with the minute-by-minute ups and downs of the markets to be pretty disgusting. I'm not a day trader. I don't care to know what the DJIA is at every moment of my day. If I did, I'd turn to CNBC or Bloomberg. Not only is it irrelevant to someone that is only thinking of stocks as a long-term deal (me), but it presents such a false sense of the finance world to Joe Average (and creates the gayest conversations, where I'm forced to listen to acquaintances drone on about how the last two months has proved how bad their investments were -- FAIL).

For one, stocks aren't the be-all, end-all of what's going on. On the Monday that the Dow surged 900, listening to the commentariat, you would have thought we were in a flourishing market once again. Problem solved! Except the credit markets were still fucked and nothing had been done about the toxic mortgages.

Two, it provides a breeding ground for results-oriented thinking. If you have money in stocks, you're gambling. It may not seem like a gamble in a normal environment, where your shares are of a huge company in a profitable sector. But it is. As such, just because the value of the stocks have declined does not mean it was a poor decision to invest. So stop whining about how awful your portfolio was just because the last month (or year) has unfolded as it has.

Three, it's probably giving a heart attack to retirees everywhere. 9:18: The Dow's up 400, that's great news! 9:21: The Dow's at -191 for the day -- where is Bernanke?!?!? 3:33: Stocks rise sharply, indicating a positive reaction to Paulson's plan! STFU. The global stock market is huge and is reacting to four million things at once. Anderson Cooper, all you're covering is how many words Paulson has given to the press corps today. Stop acting like you're presenting an accurate view of things.

Unnecessary disclaimer: I have barely any idea how the stock market works. But some stuff is just obvious.