Lady Gaga ft. Colby Donis, "Just Dance"
Me like. Total trash but it's catchy. God, Americans have such ADD; they can't even get through a full song now, all that's needed is a good 9-second loop. All the female artists storming the charts -- Britney, Lewis, Pink, Katy Perry, Rihanna, this -- have bad voices (when undigitized) and can't dance.
I still like it.
Beyonce, "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"
Awful, just terrible. There's nothing even musical about it. And she's a terrible dancer. The video is fairly engaging -- the song sucks and she moves like a dead fish and I still watched the whole thing -- in a D'Angelo "Untitled" sort of way. AOSDjsd... this vocal interlude bit in the middle is like listening to Fran Drescher's nails on a chalkboard.
T.I. feat. Rihanna, "Live Your Life"
Rihanna is a complete and utter godsend to the world of music videos. I can't believe they sampled the Numa Numa song. It semi-works; it's not "What You Know" and, frankly, I don't really understand what Rihanna is doing in the song, but it's not bad. Hair up = good move, Rihanna.
Taylor Swift, "Love Story"
Odds that someone does this on American Idol have to be better than 1:4. This song is totally fucking awesome. If I was a 12 year old blonde girl I'd probably think it was totally, totally fucking awesome. I don't really get the video -- Cinderella meets Rapunzel meets Juliet? -- but the chorus is v. catchy and she's obviously some sort of Christian paragon, so I'll expect to be seeing her for a few years.
Kanye West, "Heartless"
HYPE. WILLIAMS. Kanye must jerk off to pictures of himself jerking off onto freshly-printed Treasury bills. This song is good enough and it has a good hook, but then you realize he made an entire fucking album of this crap. Also, if you even bother to listen to what is spewing from his lips, you'll realize it makes no sense whatsoever.
Katy Perry, "Hot N Cold"
Something about how all the bridesmaids and groomsmen are bouncing around really pisses me off. This song has nothing except a chorus, which itself isn't good. Her voice sounds like it was churned through 10 vocoders. But it's nearly a lock that every under-35 woman you work with blasts this to 11 on her commute home.
Jason Mraz, "I'm Yours"
Objectively, this isn't a bad version of some mope doing a Shins cover with a bit of Bob Marley and a shake of Rivers Cuomo.
But I'm not objective. This guy sucks hard.
Britney Spears, "Womanizer"
I like how the ticket to relaunching a career is this simple: get naked. This is the Shamwow of pop songs. It's terrible, you want to hate it, you want to do more than hate it -- you want to kick your television, but you can't get it out of your head and you have to watch the video when it comes on TV. Man, she REALLY cannot dance. Also, wtf, fat dude from the "Toxic" video is the guy in the copy room here.
Kevin Rudolf ft. Lil Wayne, "Let it Rock"
Kanye West, "Love Lockdown"
I can't even bother to go to youtube to link it, let alone review it.
