March Billboard Top 10 Reviews

1. Florida, "Right Round"... Worst artist name ever. Pop music is so fucking lame these days. Every song is built around a club-friendly hook. Which is something this song proudly sports, but isn't enough to make up for the terrible banality that is the Jamaican/Caribbean-accented rapper. I do like the synthesizer work in the second and third verses. But holy shit @ these lyrics: "I'm spendin' my money, I'm outta control, somebody help me, she's taking my bank roll." LOL.

2. T.I. ft. Justin Timberlake, "Dead and Gone"... I really hate T.I. as a rapper. "What You Know" is amazing but 98% of that is the work of one of the greatest hooks in history. He sounds like someone trying to whisper in a library and failing miserably. This song would not exist if not for the Timberlake hook. Not exactly stunning analysis, but whatever. I do like the faux horn section that comes in 80 seconds in. I keep waiting for Timberlake to say "I'm feelin' those lighters," but it's just not happening.

3. Lady GaGa, "Poker Face"... I'm so sick of this tranny. Again, my club-centric criticism comes into play. Is this even a song? It sounds like Simpletext. Oh hahahaha. This attempt that she is making at "dancing" is utterly atrocious. I'd rather watch Cher do yoga naked.

4. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, "Kiss Me Thru The Phone"... I do not know wtf this is. I see what looks like an 8th grader harmonizing about cell phone sex. "You can be my wife... text me, call me, I need you in my life." FAIL. I don't know what is more awful: this song or the fact that I probably would have enjoyed this when I was 14.

5. All American Rejects, "Give You Hell"... Don't like this band much at all. They seem very second rate and gimmicky.

6. Kanye West, "Heartless"... Honestly, I've gone from somewhat liking this song (when 808s came out) to wanting to murder someone whenever I hear it (now and in the foreseeable future). Plus, I gave my thoughts previously.

7. Lady GaGa ft. Colby Donis, "Just Dance"... Done already.

8. Eminem, Dr. Dre, and 50 Cent, "Crack a Bottle"... Catchy as hell, and it hasn't worn on me yet. One thing that seems to go often unmentioned (or under-mentioned) in Eminem discussions is how good his beats were. "Criminal," "The Way I Am," "I'm Back," "Soldier," "My Fault"... I mean, his catalogue of melodies is ridiculous. The lyrics are... odd, which is a bit weird for Eminem (although pretty SOP for 50 Cent). But overall, very pleased.

9. Taylor Swift, "Love Story"... Done already. Still great.

10. Kelly Clarkson, "My Life Would Suck Without You"... Despite the eminently catchy verse structure of this song, the only thing I can think about when I hear this is the thousands upon thousands of ugly twentysomething women who are singing this at the top of their lungs on their commutes home from work everyday. The major disappointment here is that 20 seconds in, it has the potential to edge out "Since U Been Gone" (which I think is very overrated anyway). But then comes the chorus, which is ear-bleeding material.